Establishing a routine starts with a four-part joint activity routine. The first part of that routine being the opening or setup where you establish the routine. An important thing to keep in mind in the opening is that you want to really capture your child’s interest and motivation so they want to be an active participant. The second part of the activity sequence is the routine itself. That is whatever you might want your child to be doing, such as dressing and grooming, taking a bath, having a meal, or going to sleep. The third part of the routine is variation, where you will vary activities within the routine to maintain your child’s interest. The fourth part is the closing, or transition of the routine that you’re currently engaged in. This typically signals the end of the current activity and transition to a new activity.

Creating routines is important because you are establishing a back-and-forth interaction. Something we focus on at Young Mind Community Center is putting the “fun” in functional routines. If routines aren’t fun, they will not motivate your child. We want to engage with a child learning a routine and ensure they are motivated, and it’s easy to lose sight of how many opportunities there are to engage your child in back-and-forth interactions in your everyday life. Whether it’s making breakfast in the morning or sitting down for dinner or getting dressed, there are endless opportunities to create teachable moments. When routines are fun and motivating, your child will be more likely to want to do them.

Parents face many challenges in daily routines with young children. For example, with dressing, your child might not want to get dressed in the morning. If you make their dressing routine fun and interesting with an opening where you’re allowing the child to pick out their clothes from at least two options, and then you’re setting up the routine where you’re helping them and not just saying, “Go get dressed,” and expecting the child to get dressed, you will see more engagement from your child. By actively participating in the routine with your child, helping them get dressed and saying, “I’m going to put your shirt over your head and then you can try to put your arms through… Good job! Now your shirt’s on,” you will begin to eliminate resistance from your child.

You can continue to expand upon that by adding on pieces of clothing. When your child is dressed, you can celebrate with them. “Wow, look, you got dressed!” You can look in the mirror and talk about what a cool shirt they’re wearing. “I love that dinosaur shirt you chose.” By sharing this positive reinforcement, you are highlighting their successes. This is also really leading into the closing of that routine, and that’s signaling, okay, now we’re done dressing and we’re getting ready to transition to the next activity.

1. Establish routines – One of the simplest ways to improve a child’s behavior is to be more consistent. A consistent routine allows children to understand expectations and consequences and puts them in charge of their behavior. With so many demands on our time and attention, it can be hard to be consistent, so start small. In order to make meaningful change, focus on the one or two transitions that would make the biggest difference in your day. Consistency with these pivotal behaviors will help children to make sense of their world and predict what will happen and will impact other areas of their lives.

    

2. Be predictable – Make sure your child knows what’s coming next. So much of a child’s day is out of their control. Previewing what’s to come adds predictability and helps to organize a child’s world. One useful tool is a visual schedule. Visual schedules show the upcoming sequence of events represented by pictures, words, or a combination (get up, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, go in the car, go to school, etc.). You can also use the “First…Then” strategy, where you tell your child that first they must complete one activity before moving on to a more preferred activity. For example, “First wash hands, then eat snack.”

    

3. Give lots of warning – Make it clear to your child how much longer the activity will last. Countdowns help children to get emotionally ready for an event. Providing a warning can be as simple as saying, “Five more minutes,” or “It’s almost time to clean up.” A visual timer is a great tool that provides a numerical measure of time as well as a visual of how much time is left. Bring your child’s attention to it when you set it and keep referring to it throughout the activity (Look – there are 5 minutes left! When the red is gone, it’s time to transition.). Alternatively, offer a set number of turns with the activity before moving on and then count them out clearly (10 more pushes on the swing or 3 more times going down the swing). Give lots of warnings for how long your child has left to participate.

    

4. Use a transition object – Allowing your child to bring a favorite object or activity can be comforting. Make a special place for them to keep their toy during the activity and they can pick it up when they’re finished. To add another layer, designate a special toy, book, or other object for use only during the difficult time of day. The novelty will make that time special and add motivation.

    

5. Make it fun – The art of redirection (also known as distraction) can be your secret weapon. Staring down a potential tantrum because it’s time to leave the park? Bring out the bubbles! Can your child stomp bubbles all the way to the car? Can they run through them to get to the parking lot? Can they hop like a kangaroo all the way to the sidewalk? Will they race you to the tree? Get creative and come up with games, songs, and movement activities to get you through key transitions.

    

6. Teach necessary skills – Think about transitions your child is struggling with and consider if your child has the skills necessary to complete the tasks you are asking of them. For example, you may ask yourself, “Does my child know how to brush their teeth independently or do they need assistance?” Practice any skills they are lacking and provide descriptive feedback and praise. Also, pay attention to how much effort the task requires. For example, if your child independently brushes their teeth in the morning, but it takes a great deal of effort, the challenge might be too much at the end of a long day. Consider ways you can decrease the challenging aspects to increase their chance of success.

    

7. Have cues – Have a consistent way of signaling that an activity is over. For younger kids in particular, songs can be especially effective tools to help implement routines and ease transitions. The “clean up” song can be heard in preschools throughout the country for good reason! There are countless other songs to be found (or made up!) to suit a variety of situations from tying shoes to brushing teeth. Visual cues may also be beneficial. Being able to point to a chart with drawings about what to expect from a particular transition or the steps involved can help some children immensely.

    

8. Give choices – You can’t always give your child a choice about stopping one activity and starting another, but you can almost always give them a choice about other things. For example, give your child a choice about things that are part of the transition. For example, “Do you want to bring books or toys in the car?” Make sure to limit options or it might become a big ordeal. If your child won’t choose, you can choose for them. In time, they’ll learn. Also, avoid giving your child a choice about a transition if there isn’t really a choice. For example, when you ask, “Are you ready to clean up?” you suggest a choice. Instead say, “It’s time to clean up!” (After ample warnings, of course.)

    

9. Set the stage for success – Think about how much you are asking of your child from their point of view, and make sure you have their attention. If you’re sensitive to what your child is doing, it can make transitions easier for you both. Using natural breaks in activities is an easy strategy for increasing cooperation. For example, if your child is almost done with a puzzle, can you wait until they’ve finished it before they need to clean up and come to lunch? Choose your timing carefully and make sure your child understands what you are asking. If they are in the middle of playing their favorite game, they might not hear you or understand what you want. In these situations, try sitting next to your child, putting a hand on their shoulder, or asking them to repeat back what you have said. As parents, especially when we feel like we have no patience left to give, we have to slow down and be patient.
   
   
10. Praise good transitioning – You know the saying, “Where focus goes, energy goes”? This works for behavior, too. Giving kids positive attention is much more effective in changing behavior than focusing on what’s going wrong. Catch your child being good. Be specific in your praise so they know exactly what behavior to replicate and follow up with a reward when appropriate. “You did a great job getting your shoes on all by yourself, now we can go play outside!”
    

The first step in our S.A.V.E. approach is the set-up. This starts way before the routine ever begins with a plan! Take a look at this chart to see the average number of hours of sleep recommended for children by age. Then factor in their naps (if there are any) and figure out what time your child should be going to sleep and waking up. Next, work backward from that time and select activities that will prepare your child for sleep by having them relax and wind down. The goal is to reach a place where they are able to fall asleep on their own. Your routine should consist of two components: non-negotiables (brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, final trip to the bathroom, etc.) and extras (baths, books, songs, etc). If you find that your routine consistently lasts longer than 45 minutes, shorten your routine by removing some of the extras. Below are some tips for planning this time:

• Start before your child is tired. It may seem like a good idea to let your kids stay up late to get more tired, but this can backfire. Kids often become overtired, which makes it much harder for them to fall asleep. At first it might help if you set a nightly alarm for when you need to begin the bedtime routine.
• Create a sleep-inducing environment. A cozy bed or crib, room darkening shades, and a noise machine will help your child differentiate between day and night, making it easier to fall asleep. To help your child if they naturally wake up, ensure the room is the same when they fall asleep as it is in the middle of the night. Also, keeping their room cool can help foster the quantity and quality of sleep.
• Turn off screens an hour before bedtime. Blue light from tv, computer, or phone screens can interfere with the production of melatonin, the hormone that controls the sleep-wake cycle.
• Give your child verbal reminders of when bedtime is coming or provide visual representations so your child can understand the different steps in the routine. To reinforce the bedtime routine, encourage your child to be a part of the process. Have them check off steps as they’re completed and ask what step comes next.

The first step is the set-up, or opening, of the activity. This is when you first hook your child’s attention and get them motivated to participate. Ideally, the bathroom would be a fun, comfortable place for your child. Here are a few ways to make potty training exciting:

• Read books together. During storytime, read engaging books that will get your child interested in and motivated to go potty. A few of our personal favorites are What is Poop? by Usborne Books and Potty by Leslie Patricelli. 
• Give them ownership over the process. Have your child choose items they’ll use in the bathroom. A toilet seat is a must-have. Nothing will deter a child from potty training faster than falling in or thinking they’re going to fall in! Also, a step stool makes them more comfortable and likely to sit longer by extending their reach to the toilet and sink and preventing their legs from dangling. To top it off, have them pick out special soap for washing their hands, fun towels for drying, and other things that lend them a sense of control.
• Have preferred materials and activities available only in the bathroom. Create a basket for items your child only has access to in the bathroom. Novel books, toys, and stickers will help motivate your child to sit on the toilet (and there will be lots of time sitting on the toilet).
• Create a reward system. The more motivated your child is to use the potty, the quicker they will learn to do it. There are many different systems, including sticker charts, treats, and potty prizes. Get creative, and think about what really motivates your child and how you can reward the desired behavior.

Serve meals and snacks at about the same times every day. Your child will begin to naturally feel hungry at these times. Also, pay attention to what your child is eating before the meal. If they’ve been filling up on snacks, they’re not likely to be hungry and more likely to be picky.

The first step is the set-up, or opening, of the activity. This is where you first hook your child’s attention and motivate them to participate. Use preferred toys, songs, and activities to make what you’re doing fun to encourage cooperation. It’s important to pay attention to what your child is doing prior to you starting the routine, because that’s your competition — you need to be more fun than whatever they’re currently enjoying. With a little planning, you can avoid a power struggle.